Dear Journal
by Slave To Noah
Summary: Watch as Seto conveys his thoughts in a red notebook! Lots of cussing, weird humor, and yeah. You may flame, but I'll just flame right back.
1. FUCK THE WORKERS' UNION!

Yu Gi Oh is the pampered offspring of whoever made it, and it wasn't me.

Summary: Watch as Seto conveys his thoughts in a red notebook! Lots of profanity (cussing), weird humor, and yeah. Flame if you want, I'll just flame you right back.

Chappie one: FUCK THE WORKERS' UNION!

* * *

Dear Journal…

(Seto Kaiba)

Dear Ra-fucking-damned Journal,

Why the fuck am I doing this anyway? All the valuable time wasted on writing in this useless thing! I mean, get fucking real! How will writing in this help solve my 'profanity issues'? I'd rather be tazered! Damn lazy workers' union… THIS IS WHY HIROSHIMA WAS BOMBED IN WW2! Because of the damn workers' union. Grah! I want to murder something!

Well…the dumb judge with the toupee told me that I'd either see a therapist, or pay a fine of 1,000,000 yen (that's equal to about 10,000 American dollars, dip-shits.) Well, of course I chose therapist cause the cost of me going there would come out of Kaiba Corp's Lazy dips' paycheck so take that mother-fuckers. Then, when I go to the therapist's office I find some creep-ass lady who, as soon as I walk in, starts babbling about a truckload of pointless crap! She says how she owns everything that has ever been in contact with me, and that she almost bought Mokuba on EBay because he was always around me. Remind me to fucking kill Bakura later for that. Then, two things occurred to me, right then and there. 1) I have walked into the den of a rabid fangirl, and 2) I'm pretty sure that the fact that the word 'rapist' wasn't put in the word 'therapist' for no reason. I mean look at that word! It says 'therapist' AKA 'the rapist'! AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO NOTICES THE CONNECTION!?

Well, I switched 'mental help facilities' that very second. I was NOT hanging around that crazy, psycho bitch, no way! I have yet to get my STD results yet, and I am not taking any chances; catching any type of anything from those monstrous things!

(O.O)

(-//.//-)

You heard nothing. I have money that I'm not afraid to throw around!

Well, anyway, the next one I went to was this guy who was taking acid. No, I fucking SAW him with that '60s to '70s drug! He gave me this red book and told me to use it to vent off steam. Now here I am, with the red-book that an acid-taking, 30 to 40 year old hippie gave me, which smells REALLY FUCKING BAD! What in all 7 hells did I do to deserve this?! Besides screaming at the retarted coffee girl, but that's not enough to- you know what? Fuck the workers' union.

And as if my day wasn't going fucking PERFECTLY, I spot some jackass trying to break into my house! I work on a kill-first-ask-questions-later bases, and kicked that mother-fucker's ass! Then Mokuba tells me that he was being stalked, so that guy was just a locksmith! Perfect, just fucking perfect, another case for the Ra-damned workers' union!

Seto Kaiba.


	2. Reasons I Hate You

Yu Gi Oh is the pampered offspring of whoever made it, and it wasn't me.

Summary: Watch as Seto conveys his thoughts in a red notebook! Lots of profanity (cussing), weird humor, and yeah. Flame if you want, I'll just flame you right back.

Chappie two: Reasons I hate you.

* * *

Dear Journal… 

(Seto Kaiba)

Dear My Cruel And Unusual Punishment, AKA Journal,

Okay, Why do I keep doing this? Oh, yeah, it's because I don't want to go to Satan's Toilet AKA prison. Oh, which reminds me, they could never prove that I beat that guy into submission. Money is a powerful thing. Only people who don't have money think money is the root of all evils, and they can't prove THAT either. Take that, ya poor faggots.

Also, you remember that retarded coffee girl that pushed me into this gatway to my mental hell? Yeah, well, she came to my office this morning and asked for her dog back, which I had taken when 1), its fur got in my coffee, and 2), I found out it had been living here in secret. WHAT THE HELL? Who brings their Ra-damned dog to where they work, leave it there, and expect it to not be found? A RETARD, THAT'S WHO! Well, I just looked at her calmly and said that I couldn't gve her dog back. When she asked why, I simply said, 'Because I shot him already.' She ran out of my office screaming. I didn't care, because this was something the workers' union couldn't get me for. I'd probably get in legal trouble, and those tree-hugging animal rights actvists would storm my house. Corrution is good, and the activists can go down like the animals they're trying to save. Those tree-rapists deserve all the shit that flies in their direction, and the government can just kiss my fucking ass.

Well, today was another bullet in my side 'cause I ran into Yuugi. THAT KID'S A FUCKING STALKER! It's like, everywhere I turn, I'm constantly running into this guy! And it's always, 'Do you wanna be friends Kaiba?' Damn, you'd think he was Tea only with a dick, and a murder-weapon hairdo, which is probably still Tea! And he comes out of the most random places! I saw him in the park, in one of the 75 cafes in Domino, and an alley-way! A FUCKING ALLEY-WAY! WHO THE FUCK SPENDS TIME IN A RA-DAMNED ALLEY-WAY?! While I'm on the subject, let me tell you about those other assholes in Yuugi's groupie brigade!

There's Joey Wheeler first of all. He. Has. Fucking. Rabis. It seems like evertime I see him, he's foaming at that huge black abyss of no return that he calls his 'mouth'. And there's that annoying Brooklyn accent. ISN'T HE FUCKING JAPANESE?! WHAT KIND OF JAPANESE PERSON SOUNDS LIKE THAT?! Then there's that Ryou Bakura. I honestly don't know if he's gay, Brittish, or both. I actually think it's both. It actually wouldn't surprise me if he was actually a girl, he acts like a total pussy anyway. Tea Gardner's a whore. END. OF. FUCKING. STORY. Tristan's hair scares the shit out of me. It acually looks like more of a murder weapon than Yuugi's hair, and that's real damn impressive. Duke Devilin's a girl. He's a fucking girl. There is no way in all 7 hells that a guy can look like that and say 'I'm striaght, I love Serenity,' with a straight face. Marlik, Marik, or whatever his damn name is, is probably a guy who either likes to drag, is gay, thinks he's a girl, or any combination of the three. Mai Valentine is a slut. She dresses like a slut, she acts like a slut, and she sounds like a slut. The irrationally high-heeled boots fit. Serenity is more like an odd combintation of Joey and Tea, which I really do NOT want to think about.

(O.o)

(-.-'')

Great, now my mind's been pushed even deeper in the gutter... Damn it...

My life sucks. I lost to a fucking kid who probably won't experience puberty until some time in his late 30s, if at all, my jackass of a step-brother is trying to ruin my life, and my other brother gets kidnapped, what, like 4 times a Ra-damned week? Some suits from my company, who I DON'T know the names of, not only kidnapped my brother, but tried to fucking KILL me, steal my company, trap me in an online world, and for some superbly RETARDED reason, Mokuba got Yuugi to come get me! That's right, Yuugi Motou, the King of Fucking Games!

(O.o)

(-.-'')

FARTHER into that gutter... my mind really loves that fucking gutter...

(O.o)

(-.-'')

I'm gonna stop before my mind deep-throats this gutter...

(O.o)

(-.-'')

Seto Kaiba (I still say my life sucks)


	3. Damn Religion

Yu Gi Oh is the pampered offspring of whoever made it, and it wasn't me.

Summary: Watch as Seto conveys his thoughts in a red notebook! Lots of profanity (cussing), weird humor, and yeah. Flame if you want, I'll just flame you right back. (Also, don't flame me for this Chapter. I'm just messing around.)

Chappie three:

* * *

Dear Journal…

(Seto Kaiba)

Dear Source Of Everything That is Evil,

There is no God. There is no Kami, Ra, Buddha, all deities are nothing but a bunch of religous bullshit. All there are a bunch of fucking morons worshipping idols or a person in a book. Because, if you think about it, if there was a god who supposedly 'loved you,' would he let you get arrested? Do pot? Fuck a whore whose STD results are as inconclusive as Pegasus's gender?

...This gutter is fucking evil.

Also, today is yet another meeting with LSD taking, 30-40 year old hippie of a therapist. When I saw him he asked if the the journal had helped me find my inner 'melllow'. And I yelled. 'NO, YA THINK! IF ANYTHING, WRITING IN THIS DAMN BOOK HAS CAUSED MY 'PROFANITY ISSUES' TO WORSEN, AND I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING ISSUES! AND STOP TAKING ACID AND HURRY UP AND COMMIT SUICIDE, THAT'S HOW ALL YOU DAMNED INCENSE-BURNING FREAKS DIE!' And He just looked at me and said, 'Hmm, guess not.' And I left that place. I would have shot that mother-fucking hippie in his ugly-ass face, but I didn't have my gun on me. Of all the days for Mokuba to have to stay at school late...

And then the day's perfection climaxed, when I found out that when Mokuba had the locks changed awhile back, he didn't give me a copy of the key. So now I have to sit outside of my own damn mansion because of Mokuba's mysterius stalker, who I do plan on shooting if I ever meet him. I think I know who he is. He's got long silver hair and an unnatural fixation on the 'Funny Bunny' show...

I'm too pissed to write in you right now.

...Great, now I think this dumb thing is alive! I REALLY need to stop drinking steak sauce!

Seto Kaiba.

* * *

Ehh, I'm lazy. Who can guess where I got the steack sauce thing from! No one! HAHAHA! Oh, and just a heads up, the next chapter will come when the next chapter comes! Don't review, 'when're you gonna update D':' or some thing like that!That will result in a longer wait. UNDERSTAND! Ideas are welcome, though I already have some. Feel free topoint out mistakes or whatever, but I DO knowthe difference between flame and critism. 


	4. The Amazing Life of Seto Kaiba

Yu Gi Oh is the pampered offspring of whoever made it, and it wasn't me.

Summary: Watch as Seto conveys his thoughts in a red notebook! Lots of profanity (cussing), weird humor, and yeah. Flame if you want, I'll just flame you right back.

Chappie four: The Amazing life of Seto Kaiba

* * *

Dear Journal…

(Seto Kaiba)

Dear Assistant Satan,

My life is drifting towards the perpetual toilet, and the toilet, to this day, REALLY creeps my the fuck out. I went to check my P.O. Box today. I hade to change that thing AGAIN, and I keep telling those damn commercial morons not to put my P.O. box in their ads. But, as always, they just stuck their head in their ass and ignored me. Fine. If I start seeing creepy letters in my P.O. box, SOMEONE is getting their SORRY ASS SUED!

Today was one of those very rare days when I don't see heads or tails of that hobbit-human, well, not that I could have seen him anyway!

... Oh, that... was seriously... lame...

Somehow I ended up being bum rushed at Journey's. Everytime this happens I swear I'll never go shopping without my body guards,but they suffocate me and I sneak away, then it happens again.

It's like a cycle, or something...

I'm not gonna write a novel or anything, but I came explain my lif in about 3 words. And those words are-

Crap, the authoress is getting lazy. Well, I have enough time. Those three words are-

Seto Kaiba


	5. Life and Death

Yu Gi Oh is the pampered offspring of whoever made it, and it wasn't me.

Summary: I tried to give this chapter some plot. But you know, with me, plot and humor don't mix too well.

Chappie four: Life and Death

* * *

Dear Journal…

(Seto Kaiba)

Dear Assisted Suicide Machine,

I realize that I've been depressed lately. And not just because some random person tried to shoot me because he blamed his wife moving out on me. Sure, blame the bishonen. It wasn't my fault I was born sexy. Anywho, while sat behind my desk, I soon found myself thinking: 'Bloody hell-there's no way Mokuba could successfully run this company!' And then I thought: 'since when did I use 'bloody' as a fluent adjective like a smelly brit?' (A/N: No offense to Brittish people)

That got me thinking about the whole 'life after death' and, 'where we go when we die' business. Man, eternal damnation and all that shit is just freakish. That's exactly why I don't believe in God, Buddha, Judah, Zeus, Jupiter, Hera, Satan, Mecca, Ra, or whoever else.

But besides that...

Suppose Life after Death was real. But suppose no matter how good you've been, you still don't go to heaven. That would be a downright kick-in-the-pants, wouldn't it? And suppose that even though you're dead, you continue to live on the planet Earth. Now suppose the earth suddenly exploded and everybody died. Then, you don't have to worry about keeping earth clean because there'd be no earth to clean!

So please...

Don't hand me a Watch Tower or a mini bible.

Allow me to enjoy my peaceful, everlasting experience in Limbo.

Because if you don't...

I'll pop a cap in your ass.

Seto Kaiba

* * *

BTW, this is the last chappy. NOOOOOOOOO!

It's complete until I decide to work on it again. In fact, Both of My YuGiOh stories are complete as of now. I may suddenly start them up again, but who knows? Right now I want to pursue my other favorite shows.


End file.
